


Toleration

by anythingpastorpresent



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Infantilism, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifiers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 14:37:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4225644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anythingpastorpresent/pseuds/anythingpastorpresent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hot tears stream down Jensen's face, and he can't breathe. It's so stupid. He's a grown adult. He shouldn't feel this way anymore.</p><p>Warm hands touch his face, stroking his hair gently, and soft lips press against his cheek. Jensen relaxes infinitesimally. Jared--Daddy--will make this all better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toleration

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another infantilism fic. I have a problem.
> 
> Also, if you can think of a better title, please PLEASE let me know. I suck at titles.

Hot tears stream down Jensen's face, and he can't breathe. It's so stupid. He's a grown adult. He shouldn't feel this way anymore.

Warm hands touch his face, stroking his hair gently, and soft lips press against his cheek. Jensen relaxes infinitesimally. Jared--Daddy--will make this all better.

"It's okay sweetheart," Daddy murmurs. "You're okay. I've got you. Just let it all out." Jensen's breath hitches for a second and then a sob breaks free. Turning over with Jared's help, he buries his face in Daddy's nice, warm chest.

Jared shushes and rocks him, rubbing his big hands up and down Jensen's back. Jensen is still having a hard time relaxing, but his breathing slowly evens out, and his sobbing turns to quiet tears. He feels his world shift to the left as Daddy reaches over to the nightstand and grabs something; he feels cold plastic touch his lips, and Jensen opens his mouth immediately for his pacifier, suckling greedily. Daddy squeezes him tight for a second, resuming his rubbing of Jensen's back.

A few moments later, Jensen panics when he feels Daddy start to pull away. Jared shushes him. "Can I go get Bunny?" Jensen thinks, imagining having Bunny soft and warm in his arms, sandwiched between him and Daddy. He finally nods.

Daddy is only gone for a second before Jensen is warm and safe again in Daddy's arms, this time with Bunny squeezed between them. Jensen buries his face in Bunny's fur as Daddy starts to whisper words of encouragement to him.

It's only been a few months since they started this. Jensen has struggled with depression and anxiety for years, and it wasn't until he met Jared that things started to turn around. Shortly after he and Jared had gotten together, Jensen had had a breakdown in front of his boyfriend, telling him everything. Jared had been as understanding as always, helping Jensen to get the treatment he needed. Jared had gone with Jensen to the first therapy session for support, knowing that Jensen had been unable to open up to his past psychologists, and it had calmed Jensen's nerves enough that he was able to get on the road to recovery.

After a couple of weeks of treatment, feelings Jensen had thought he'd long since repressed started awakening. He knew it was a method doctors used to help victims of trauma and people struggling with depression and PTSD, but all Jensen saw it as was a fetish he'd never quite been able to escape.

It hadn't been easy to tell Jared. Jared knew Jensen had a special stuffed bunny from his childhood that he'd never been able to let go of. When he found Jensen one night, sitting in the dark on the sofa and hugging the bunny to his chest, tears streaming down his face, he'd immediately gone to Jensen and taken him in his arms. They spent most of the night like that, Jared rocking Jensen and his bunny in his arms, occasionally dropping kisses on his head.

Jensen was quiet the next morning. He'd hidden the stuffed animal in the closet, but Jared caught him giving the closet longing looks.

"It's okay, you know," Jared said quietly from across the room. "If cuddling with a stuffed animal makes you feel better, then that's what you should do."

Jensen's face turned red and he avoided Jared's eyes. "It's not-it's just-I can't-" He stuttered, looking at the floor.

Jared sank down on the end of the bed. "Jen? Look at me." When Jensen turned his eyes back to his boyfriend, Jared held out a hand. "Come here." Jensen reluctantly shuffled over to the bed and sat down next to Jared.

Jared took Jensen's hand in his. "Are there other things that would help you cope?" he asked softly.

Jensen shook his head, though not as a "no." Jared somehow seemed to understand this.

"It's okay, Jensen. You can trust me."

"It's embarrassing," Jensen insisted.

Jared's arm found it's way around Jensen's shoulders. "Tell me anyway. You know I won't laugh."

Jensen took a deep breath. It was almost a full minute before he spoke. "I don't...I don't know. There's just...things. Things like Bu-...the rabbit." He shrugged.

Jared cupped Jensen's face in his hands and forced Jensen to look at him. "Jensen." Jared's eyes were almost as green as Jensen's. "Would not being a grown-up for a little while help you feel better?"

Jensen nodded.

 

They had a long discussion about what Jensen wanted, and what he was okay with. He made it clear from the start that this wasn't a sexual thing, and Jared agreed; this was about reminding Jensen of a time when he didn't have to be any particular thing, didn't have to worry about anything. A time when he was loved without having to give anything in return. It wasn't about sex.

Jared made a list of the things Jensen wanted most--having a stuffed animal to cuddle and a pacifier to suck on made Jensen feel the safest and most at home. Jensen had never tried it, but he knew that drinking from a bottle--especially one given to him by Jared--would be just as good.

That was Jensen's favorite, more than anything. He enjoyed the cuddling and the story times and the playtime; but when Daddy just held Jensen in his arms and fed him a bottle, that was when Jensen felt the most at home and the most loved.

It was hard thinking of Jared that way at first--Daddy. He'd had to get over his issues with the title and the connection to his own father, but eventually, Daddy became an entirely separate word from the names he'd called his dad. Daddy Jared was the person who loved him unconditionally, even through the shitty depression and the weird infantilism. Daddy was also Jared, the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

 

Now Daddy is getting out of the bed--Jensen whimpers and grabs at his shirt. "Shhh," Jared says, gently prying Jensen's fingers away. "I'm just gonna go warm you up a bottle." Jensen doesn't want Daddy to go away for any length of time, but he knows a bottle is worth it, and it's just not practical for him to go with Daddy. Jensen's not in the headspace to walk or crawl, and Daddy can't carry him down the stairs to the kitchen. Sometimes being little without a little body is more than an inconvenience.

Jensen clings tight to Bunny while Daddy is gone, humming to himself into Bunny's fur. When Daddy gets back, he makes grabby hands while he walks to the bed. Daddy smiles and sets the warmed bottle on the nightstand and gets back under the covers.

Daddy's strong, and he pulls Jensen half into his lap, using one arm to cradle Jensen and the other to grab and hold the bottle. Jensen lets his pacifier drop and opens his mouth eagerly, grabbing at it and pulling it towards him. The warm milk is sweet on his tongue, and Jensen sighs as he starts to drink.

Sometimes Jensen likes to help Daddy hold the bottle, but tonight he's glad when Daddy tucks Bunny into Jensen's arms and takes the bottle back. Jensen closes his eyes, listening to Daddy's humming. He's switching back and forth between a few of Jensen's favorite songs.

"You know I'm not just tolerating this, right, Jen?" Daddy says after a while. He's looking at Jensen, but it almost sounds like he's talking to himself. "I don't just do this for you," Daddy continues. "I mean--I love you Jensen, don't get me wrong. I would do anything for you--anything. But I enjoy this just as much as you, baby boy. I love getting to hold you and feed you and take care of you like this. If, one day, you stop needing or wanting to be little like this, I'll be happy, because that will mean you've healed enough not to need it anymore. But if you keep wanting it--even if you don't need it--I'll be happy to give it to you; because I like it too." Daddy bends down and kisses Jensen's forehead.

Jensen is warm, safe and loved, and he feels himself start to drift off. He squeezes Bunny and snuggles deeper into Daddy's chest, not even thinking about the things that woke him up in a panic tonight. He knows that those worries will be there when he's big again, but right now, he doesn't care. Daddy is here taking care of him, and Jared will be there to take care of him tomorrow.


End file.
